My nipple is on Facebook.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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