I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
