U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
