For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
