i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
