Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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