Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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