You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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