In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
