it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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