i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
