FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
