It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
