Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
