Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
