I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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