i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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