sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish I only lived at night.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
