dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
