i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there's paper in my vomit.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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