that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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