just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm both gender and math confused
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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