please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
