There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
