I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I want to be your penis for a week.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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