You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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