I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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