you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
