I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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