I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
