So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
