man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
