I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
