hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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