I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
