You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
