Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
