Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
