Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
