took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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