You really coming over, don't trick.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
