I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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