Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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