Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
