All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
