Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
