and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm like, not good at living.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
