he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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