I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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