Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
