there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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