My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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